October 15, 2014

"You still get distracted in worldly affairs and allow yourself to be absorbed by illusions that only deviate your from your path. But, you must know that you can return at any time without fear or guilt because Love does not judge nor punish; it only welcomes you with great tenderness and joy and whispers in your ear: I am glad you are back. I have been waiting for you."

- Monica Coronel

October 10, 2014

I just opened the fridge and realized I may have a bit of a problem. My level in the fridge is mainly comprised of canned goods (all homemade). I have two large jars of kimchi, 5 large jars of beef bone broth, two small jars of harissa and two large jars of chutney. I also have a bag of apples from the farmers market that needs to be made into apple sauce. Don’t even get me started on all the condiments in the top shelf! It’s how it’s always been, growing up; lots and lots of different condiments. At least the vegetable drawers in the bottom are full?

October 10, 2014
Mount Eerie - Dragon

I was fortunate enough to hear him play this song at the Black Heritage Society in Guelph (April 19th, 2014) in a beautiful old small church with roughly eighty people there. Phil Elverum spoke of this song before playing it, saying he was inspired by the booming jets that would often fly over his home in Anacortes, Washington. He is a great story teller. Also, I may have a crush on him.

October 10, 2014
I just wish I could have told him in the living years..

Every generation blames the one before,
and all of their frustrations come beating on your door.

I know that I’m a prisoner t
o all my father held so dear,
I know that I’m a hostage to all his hopes and fears,
I just wish I could have told him in the living years.

Crumpled bits of paper filled with imperfect thought,
Stilted conversations - I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got.

You say you just don’t see it - he says it’s perfect sense.
You just can’t get agreement in this present tense.
We all talk a different language; talking in defence.

So we open up a quarrel between the present and the past,
We only sacrifice the future, It’s the bitterness that lasts.

So don’t yield to the fortunes you sometimes see as fate,
It may have a new perspective on a different day.
And if you don’t give up, and don’t give in, you may just be O.K.

I wasn’t there that morning when my father passed away,
I didn’t get to tell him all the things I had to say.
I think I caught his spirit later that same year.
I’m sure I heard his echo in my baby’s new born tears,
I just wish I could have told him in the living years.

October 10, 2014

I think that there should be an internet radio station out there that live-streams kitchen conversations on the main-line. I would totally tune in from time to time!

Imagine, if you could tune in to hear one of the kitchens you are inspired by, to be able to hear the crew talk about food, of ideas, etc. Maybe you are on vacation but want to tune into your restaurant, just to see how things are going. Maybe you’re not in the industry anymore, but want to hear that magic - the orchestra of fluid clamour,

Or if nothing else, just to be able to hear (as was the case today in the kitchen) an impromptu one-man rendition of Les Miserable. There’s frequent word association happening in my kitchen, just straight shooting-the-shit. People working through tight situations, people talking about life, people talking about stuff that doesn’t come home. All those golden moments that I’ve come to love quite dearly.

October 8, 2014

I was on a street from my old hometown, Elm St, which was right by where I lived. It was four or five in the morning and it was on the cusp of fall. Someone had put a busted up piano to the side of the road. I, for some reason, wheeled it across to the other side of the road and started hammering the intro chords to The Doors’ “Five to One”, following with the lyrics: “Five to one, baby one in five. No one here gets out alive. You get yours, baby, I’ll get mine. Gonna make it, baby, If we try. 

The old get old, and the young get stronger. May take a week and it may take longer. They got the guns but, we got the numbers. Gonna win, yeah 
We’re takin’ over! Come on!”

I saw a couple lights come on in different houses, and remembered the neighbours who lived there. I was expecting them to come out and see what all the racket was about, but I only saw their shapes moving in the house.

My voice was breaking at points, and my vocal chords were pushed to their limits. There was a very bassy baritone nature to the piano, and some of the keys were slightly out of tune, but this didn’t stop the sudden passion I had to belt this song out in the wee hours of the morning.

Then I was standing in the gravel driveway of an old neighbour of mine, and this girl from my work, someone who I’ve never thought of in a sexual way was all of a sudden there, and coming on to me without question. I never saw her in this light before, but now that I was, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t before. She was on my lap, straddling me. She put her breasts on my face as she was grinding against me. My jeans could barely contain me. She looked down and said that she was leaving wet spots all over my jeans. That’s when I noticed just how wet she was. Then before I knew it, she spread her legs and put her soft brown thighs on either side of my head, and lowered herself down onto my face. Lost in a haze, I just did what I do best, meeting her halfway and lapping up her sweet nectar.

Then my mind was racing with thoughts - was I still in a relationship? Was I cheating? It was my waking mind/conscience speaking to me when I was in the dream state. 

Then the kid from the house whose driveway I was in suddenly came out of the house, got into a fast car, and peeled out of the gravel driveway, sending rocks flying.

October 4, 2014

I was in the washroom and I saw Krishna Das at a urinal. I wasn’t going to talk to him when he was peeing, but as time had it, we both finished around the same time. As we were leaving the bathroom I said to him in as calm of a voice as possible “I just wanted to say that your music has done a lot to help me through some pretty tough times”.

He smiled as he listened to what I had to say and responded with something light-hearted. For the life of me I can’t recall it now. I kept waking from my sleep and thinking to myself that I should write it down, but I felt like I wouldn’t forget it. It was literally only a few words that expressed both that we’re all in this together, and it’s never quite as bad as you think it is.

My heart swelled with gratitude and hope.

—-

I saw a train pulling cars. I stopped to watch it, as I often do with trains. I saw an older man walking alongside the railroad on a tight bridge. It was then that I was on a journey. There was trouble at home, a good deal of stress with my family. So I found myself to be that man, walking, traveling.

I ended up in a grocery store plaza, and was on a grassy part, going through my backpack, looking for clean socks. It was then that I saw my grandmother from B.C., and I realized just how far I had traveled.

It felt good to be away, to be exploring, to be free. I knew my family missed me, but I needed to get away. I found out my mother had cancer, and suddenly I was with her, or she with me, in B.C. We were at a pharmacy, and I was helping her sit up in her wheelchair. As I went to lift her I started to cry and she was crying with me as well. There was a cathartic release.

October 3, 2014
"What are you afraid of?" the man asked his heart. The heart didn’t reply.
"There is no one out there that will hurt you, I’ll protect you. I have grown strong, I’m a warrior now, you have nothing to fear." Still the heart did not reply.
"Tell me, heart. Was it our father? Was it our brothers? Was it one of our lovers? None of that matters now, I am a grown man, no one can do anything to us." The heart remained quiet…closed.
The man grew frustrated. “Heart, you are a coward. Maybe you are defective. Maybe I just don’t have a heart that works properly. No wonder I can’t feel love.” The heart closed even tighter.
For months the man walked around, falling ever deeper into despair about his defective heart. Then one day the man grew very quiet. Quiet enough that he thought he thought he could almost hear a whisper coming from his heart. He asked with all the compassion he was capable of, “Heart, what are you afraid of?”
The heart whispered back, “You. I’m afraid of you.”
The man cried. He had protected his heart from everyone but the one person that could hurt it the most— the tyrant inside.


"What are you afraid of?" the man asked his heart. The heart didn’t reply.

"There is no one out there that will hurt you, I’ll protect you. I have grown strong, I’m a warrior now, you have nothing to fear." Still the heart did not reply.

"Tell me, heart. Was it our father? Was it our brothers? Was it one of our lovers? None of that matters now, I am a grown man, no one can do anything to us." The heart remained quiet…closed.

The man grew frustrated. “Heart, you are a coward. Maybe you are defective. Maybe I just don’t have a heart that works properly. No wonder I can’t feel love.” The heart closed even tighter.

For months the man walked around, falling ever deeper into despair about his defective heart. Then one day the man grew very quiet. Quiet enough that he thought he thought he could almost hear a whisper coming from his heart. He asked with all the compassion he was capable of, “Heart, what are you afraid of?”

The heart whispered back, “You. I’m afraid of you.”

The man cried. He had protected his heart from everyone but the one person that could hurt it the most— the tyrant inside.

October 3, 2014

Focus on loving yourself first and foremost, and you will find others also on the same path, coming out of the woodwork to join you. To seek validation through others is sure to lead to disappointment. 

Like attracts like, in some roundabout way.

September 30, 2014

Mushroom barley, Imambayaldi - aka ”Imam fainted” (stuffed eggplant) and Mujaderrah (rice & lentils).

I had a busy day at work today, but of the best kind. I was working beside my sous chef all day, cracking jokes, creating, making bets, scheming up new ideas - recipes, opening our own place.

I’ve recently taken on a new-found confidence in the kitchen, and have lost the desire to try and get along with a couple people who I’ve tried to get through to even though I didn’t want to. I accept our differences and leave it at that. With that being said, Chef and I had a couple words the other day - or rather, I had a couple words with her. Our understanding of each other has been reset, for the better.

I didn’t take any of my breaks or lunch because I was enjoying the day so much. I only choose to take my lunch (I don’t take my breaks) when I’m working beside someone who tends to zap my energy. It’s the opposite with my sous-chef. I think we keep each other on the up-and-up. I created a few dishes that I’m happy with. I decided I’m going to start documenting some of the dishes I make when I like them.

September 30, 2014

"You only have one shot in this life. So do all the good you can for your fellow man, for you may not pass this way again."

September 29, 2014

"When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few people understood me, and what I will reveal to you now, and to mankind - will also collide with misunderstanding and prejudice in the world.

I ask you though, that you guard all the time necessary, years, decades, until society has advanced enough to accept what I explain below.

There is an extremely powerful force for what - so far - science has not found a formal explanation. It is a force that includes and governs all the others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe, and which has not yet been identified by us. 
This universal force is LOVE.

When scientists were looking for a unified theory for the universe, they forgot the most invisible and powerful forces.

Love is Light, which illuminate anyone who give or receive it. 
Love is serious, because it makes some people feel attracted to others. 
Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and make sure that humanity is not extinguished in their blind selfishness. 
Love reveals and awakens everything. 
Because of love we live and die. 
Love is God and God is Love.

This force explains everything and gives meaning to life.
This is the variable that we have ignored for too long, maybe because we are afraid to love because it is the only power in the universe that man has not learned to control at will.

To give visibility to love, I made a simple replacement on my most famous equation. If instead of E = mc2 accept that energy to heal the world can be obtained through love multiplied by the speed of light squared, come to the conclusion that love is the most powerful force there is, because it has no limits.

After the failure of humanity in the use and control of other forces of the universe that have turned against us, it is imperative that we nurture another kind of energy. If we want our species to survive, if we are to find meaning in life, if we want to save the world and every sentient being that inhabits it, love is the only and the last answer.

Perhaps we are not yet ready to make a bomb of love, powerful enough to destroy all artifact hate, selfishness and greed that are plaguing The Planet. However, each individual carries within it, a small but powerful generator of love, whose energy is waiting to be released.

When we learn to give and receive this universal energy, Lieserl dear, see that love conquers all, transcends everything and can do everything, because love is the quintessence of life.

I deeply regret not having been able to express to you what my heart felt, which was quietly beating for you all my life. Maybe it’s too late to apologize, but as time is relative, I need to say I love you and thanks to you I’ve come to the last answer .

Your father,
Albert Einstein. “

September 27, 2014

I was playing a certain song on guitar by Krishna Das, yesterday, before going to work. I was having a moment of mindfulness. I was looking out the window, feeling gratitude.

I remembered a scene where when I was about fourteen. It was the end of winter. I slipped off the porch onto the ground four feet below, right onto my back, knocking myself out. I woke up in my dad’s arms as he was carrying me inside. My heart began to feel heavy and I felt that slight turn towards sadness, instead of gratitude.

Right then, while playing guitar and singing, I saw out of the window a lady no older than fifty, using two hiking poles to keep herself upright. Her legs were failing, almost to the point where she was dragging them, but she wasn’t giving up.

My eyes welled up and my heart burst open as I continued to sing “Hare Krishna”. I played through it, and that moment left an opening in my heart; an opening where yet more light can come shining in.