September 30, 2014

Mushroom barley, Imambayaldi - aka ”Imam fainted” (stuffed eggplant) and Mujaderrah (rice & lentils).

I had a busy day at work today, but of the best kind. I was working beside my sous chef all day, cracking jokes, creating, making bets, scheming up new ideas - recipes, opening our own place.

I’ve recently taken on a new-found confidence in the kitchen, and have lost the desire to try and get along with a couple people who I’ve tried to get through to even though I didn’t want to. I accept our differences and leave it at that. With that being said, Chef and I had a couple words the other day - or rather, I had a couple words with her. Our understanding of each other has been reset, for the better.

I didn’t take any of my breaks or lunch because I was enjoying the day so much. I only choose to take my lunch (I don’t take my breaks) when I’m working beside someone who tends to zap my energy. It’s the opposite with my sous-chef. I think we keep each other on the up-and-up. I created a few dishes that I’m happy with. I decided I’m going to start documenting some of the dishes I make when I like them.

September 30, 2014

"You only have one shot in this life. So do all the good you can for your fellow man, for you may not pass this way again."

September 29, 2014

"When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few people understood me, and what I will reveal to you now, and to mankind - will also collide with misunderstanding and prejudice in the world.

I ask you though, that you guard all the time necessary, years, decades, until society has advanced enough to accept what I explain below.

There is an extremely powerful force for what - so far - science has not found a formal explanation. It is a force that includes and governs all the others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe, and which has not yet been identified by us. 
This universal force is LOVE.

When scientists were looking for a unified theory for the universe, they forgot the most invisible and powerful forces.

Love is Light, which illuminate anyone who give or receive it. 
Love is serious, because it makes some people feel attracted to others. 
Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and make sure that humanity is not extinguished in their blind selfishness. 
Love reveals and awakens everything. 
Because of love we live and die. 
Love is God and God is Love.

This force explains everything and gives meaning to life.
This is the variable that we have ignored for too long, maybe because we are afraid to love because it is the only power in the universe that man has not learned to control at will.

To give visibility to love, I made a simple replacement on my most famous equation. If instead of E = mc2 accept that energy to heal the world can be obtained through love multiplied by the speed of light squared, come to the conclusion that love is the most powerful force there is, because it has no limits.

After the failure of humanity in the use and control of other forces of the universe that have turned against us, it is imperative that we nurture another kind of energy. If we want our species to survive, if we are to find meaning in life, if we want to save the world and every sentient being that inhabits it, love is the only and the last answer.

Perhaps we are not yet ready to make a bomb of love, powerful enough to destroy all artifact hate, selfishness and greed that are plaguing The Planet. However, each individual carries within it, a small but powerful generator of love, whose energy is waiting to be released.

When we learn to give and receive this universal energy, Lieserl dear, see that love conquers all, transcends everything and can do everything, because love is the quintessence of life.

I deeply regret not having been able to express to you what my heart felt, which was quietly beating for you all my life. Maybe it’s too late to apologize, but as time is relative, I need to say I love you and thanks to you I’ve come to the last answer .

Your father,
Albert Einstein. “

September 27, 2014

I was playing a certain song on guitar by Krishna Das, yesterday, before going to work. I was having a moment of mindfulness. I was looking out the window, feeling gratitude.

I remembered a scene where when I was about fourteen. It was the end of winter. I slipped off the porch onto the ground four feet below, right onto my back, knocking myself out. I woke up in my dad’s arms as he was carrying me inside. My heart began to feel heavy and I felt that slight turn towards sadness, instead of gratitude.

Right then, while playing guitar and singing, I saw out of the window a lady no older than fifty, using two hiking poles to keep herself upright. Her legs were failing, almost to the point where she was dragging them, but she wasn’t giving up.

My eyes welled up and my heart burst open as I continued to sing “Hare Krishna”. I played through it, and that moment left an opening in my heart; an opening where yet more light can come shining in. 

September 23, 2014

A three-hour drive away, In the small town of Belleville, my girlfriend and I went to see a dog show. Yes, a dog show. Or rather, a showing of dogs. There were around fifty Irish Wolfhounds, which is a dog she and I both like, and are discussing getting one someday. I think I am ready for that, with her.

September 23, 2014

My goal is to stay on the path of healing, no matter how shrouded it may at times become.

September 23, 2014



My older sister is pregnant, with twins!

I was in Belleville, at an Irish Wolfhound show with my girlfriend when I got the call. For some reason I can’t accept picture texts on my cell, so she sent a picture to Natasha’s instead (this is before I knew what the call was for, though I had a sneaking suspicion). I saw an ultra-sound and saw a baby, and just as I was about to say “I knew it!”, I saw another baby in there! She’s only a month in so far, so it’s still hush-hush, but I had to share, as this is my journal (though not entirely private). 

What a trip! I can’t wait to see the little guys/girls/guy and girl. How precious and magical and fleeting life is. 

She isn’t on any sort of fertility medicine, and already has two boys, so she is definitely going to have her hands full in the not-too-distant future. 

As a side note, what is strange (but not really, considering I’ve known this for as long as I lived with her), is that when I told my ex that my sister is pregnant, she said “twins?”. She told me she had a dream about a week ago that my sister was pregnant with twins. 

September 23, 2014
Two Dreams, Sept 22nd & 23rd - Mosaic Masterpiece & Car Crash Hospitality.

Two nights ago:

I was with a few old familiar friends. We found a dark cave which was also the bottom of a basement.

I walked further ahead and found another building. I walked up an old set of stairs, and when I came to the landing, it was a bright room with white walls. I went back downstairs quickly. I couldn’t resist going back upstairs and went up again. I started to talk to one of the guys sitting at a desk.

I saw a mosaic picture on a wall. Not very big, but there was so much detail and work put into it. I was immediately drawn to it. It had very small pieces of tile put into it. The smallest ones being about half the size of a tic-tac candy. There was writing on the smallest tiles, and I remember being taken by the words. I ran my fingers across it and felt an electricity surging through the tips of my fingers when I took them off the tiles. It was comparable to running your fingers across a chainlink fence as a child and feeling that lingering vibration.

I explained to the guy how drawn I was to it, and he stood up and walked over, turned to see if anyone was looking, then took the picture and dropped it on the floor. Then he gave it to me. He said the only way I could leave with it without him getting in trouble is if it was broken. There weren’t any small tiles on it anymore, just large clunky ones. It had lost the appeal I was initially drawn to.

—-

Last night:

I was driving in a car with my ex-girlfriend’s mother and someone else. She was lost, but driving still, hoping to find a familiar road again. The atmosphere was light. All of a sudden there was a crash, and the car was filled with water. I realized that we had driven off the road into a river. I wasn’t afraid, just focused on getting my seatbelt off. I saw that my ex’s mother couldn’t get hers off, so before I took mine off, I helped her first. Then I took mine off. I saw that the person in the back seat was almost underwater and struggling to get their seatbelt off, so I lifted them up for that one last breath and they managed to get it off in time. 

I then realized that we were only about five feet deep in a shallow river. There was shells everywhere which made walking quite awkward. I looked around and saw an Appalachian family going about their business, likely thinking how silly we must have looked.

We tried to get our possessions out of the car that had flipped over. Me and whoever else was in the back seat flipped the car back upright. The only thing I couldn’t find was my laptop. Everything else was accounted for.

One of the Appalachian folk came over into the river and asked if we were alright. He took a particular liking to me, as I was accepting of his “kind”, whereas my ex’s mother was very much a city girl. He asked if we were hungry; that he had made some chowder. I asked him “the cream based one?” (vs. a broth based one?) and he smiled at me, knowing that I’d appreciate the soup and that I had a passion for cooking.

September 20, 2014

Also, I had a really good day today. I thought it wasn’t going to be a good one, but I took time to nurture myself. To laugh, to run, to create with my hands. I meditated on my co-workers who I was to be working with later in the day. I thought about each one of them, and the dynamic I share with them. The ones who I had troubles finding the good in, I thought about their upbringing, I sent them extra love and compassion. I allowed for them to be just as they are. I got closer to liking them as friends. I took what precious light I had, and shone it into caves.

September 20, 2014

She, a nymphet, temptress, seductress, a siren. A teacher. But I shall not stray from my course. I will not reach over the side, down into that tall tangled seagrass.

A friend of hers, also a friend of mine, has confided in me something that I think I should not have known. She, as many of us are, is bisexual. And she is currently in a relationship of sorts with her martial arts instructor (a woman), and the husband as well!

I am not judging. Not one bit. It is obviously mutual. They are in their late 30’s, and she in her early 20’s. If anything, I feel a bit of envy for her to be so fortunate to be in such a situation.

That is all, just a little ramble.

September 19, 2014
Nectar of the Living Spirit Meditation - Ram Dass

I am your life.
but if you will not name me,
seal up your soul with tears 
and never blame me.


I can only wish you through this meditation, and wish for myself, that we can remember more and more often, so that our every breath becomes a transmission of light, of love, of peace, of presence. That our soul is open, not sealed with tears. And everybody whom we touch is enlightened by that touch.

September 18, 2014
Scout Niblett (Feat. Will Oldham) - Kiss

Let rain exalt us as the night draws in.
Winds howl around us as we begin.

September 16, 2014

Exhale only love.