April 24, 2014

Fresh night air, a vetiver and cardamom candle filling the room, a wool blanket with my feet sticking out, a purring kitty by my side, and a ridiculous movie. 

April 22, 2014
My philosophy for a happy life: Sam Berns at TEDxMidAtlantic

Bless his beautiful heart.

April 22, 2014

"It’s not meant to be a strife, it’s not meant to be a struggle uphill".

April 21, 2014

Today I have my review-interview-thing for a raise. Here goes nothing. Depending on how this day goes, it will dictate a potential change of course for me.

11:31am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZwIpks1Di3ZID
Filed under: self journal work raise 
April 21, 2014

I awoke in the middle of my sleep, early morning, to write down “Eyelid of the second sun”. The phrase still lingered clearly in my mind as I drifted back to bed.

April 20, 2014
Mount Eerie at the Black Heritage Society, Guelph - April 19th, 2014.

My girlfriend and I went and saw Phil Elverum, the man behind Mount Eerie perform at the Black Heritage Society here in Guelph. Mount Eerie is my number one favorite band/artist. His songs are almost all consistant with me and all speak to my heart. I had sworn off concerts for almost four years now. I don’t care for that crowd anymore as it tends to set me somewhat ill-at-ease. I long for a more intimate, gentle crowd.

I had passed on the opportunity to see Mount Eerie earlier this year in Toronto because it was at a bigger venue, and I still had my obstinate decision of having been done with concerts. This one, however, was in a small church on Essex street, no more than a five minute walk from where I live, and I thought it really seemed too good to be true.

Even though I worked that day, I had an hour time frame between work and when the concert started. We got tickets at the door (only $15, can you believe it?) and there were only 12 left when we got there, and we were the first to arrive! We opened the doors and the place was empty except for some people setting up. I briefly saw Phil setting something up on the ‘stage’. He looked just like he does in interviews - just like a regular folk, red plaid shirt/jacket and mussy hair.

We had fifteen minutes to pass so we walked and got a water. I get dry mouth whenever I am nervous, so I like to have water on hand. When we got back we went in and pretty much got first dibs on seats. We sat on the right side, third rows back. While the first band/musician (Wyrd visions) was setting up I went back and took a look at the merchandise. I bought a Mount Eerie record “Song Islands Vol. 2”. That’s two Mount Eerie records I have now. And that is it. I used to have more records and a record player, but I got rid of them when I decided to downsize and travel relatively light. Now I need a record player again.

The first guy, Wyrd Visions was very trance-like. Lots of looping and overlapping, dischorded notes, if that’s a word. Very strange. I nodded off for a quick second and I think I dreamed something of bunnies.

At this point, the guy from Wyrd Visions came and sat beside us for the rest of the show. He had a very cordial way of clapping. 

Finally, after a ten minute break, Phil came up and put on his quirky, awkward charm. I can’t figure out whether I have a man-crush on him, or if I just think he’d make a great friend, brother, or even uncle. He just seems like an all around nice guy. Soft-spoken and gentle.

I thought maybe he would be using his classical acoustic, as I am most familiar with, but when I went up earlier to see the merchandise I saw one of the new records and realized that it was a lot of midi sounding almost electronic stuff. So when he brought out then announced that he’d be playing on a keyboard, I wasn’t surprised.

He played the keyboard sitting on his lap. Probably about an hour set, with little talks inbetween songs. I was fortunate enough to record all but one of them. For whatever reason I decided not to record one, which ended up being one of my favourites, called “Pumpkin”.

At one point he played a song called “Through the trees”, and I felt almost like crying, or rather I had a welling up in my chest because that is the song I used to play to put me to sleep when I was having a rough night. I felt very at peace during the concert. My heart rate was perfectly at ease, just pumping along as calm as could be.

At the last song, before he played, he announced that it would be his last song, and then when it was over. He just sort of waved and walked down the aisle to the front of the building and dissappeared for a bit. Then later he came back to start packing up. We stuck around a little and then we went up when the timing seemed right and not too intrusive.

We went up and said that it was a good show, etc. I told him that I had given up on concerts altogether, but it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. I said that his music has always been relaxing for me (my g/f said that I put my hand towards my heart when I said this), and he seemed to be happy to hear this. I then shook his hand and thanked him for a great show, and we went on our way.

Then we went to Baker St. Public House for some dinner. I had a hankering for fish and chips, and my g.f had chicken wings. I had a few sips of her beer (I think I’m getting back into drinking a little) and even had a chicken wing (I think I’m getting back into eating meat a little as well). It was delicious, and I said a silent prayer of thanks before eating it.

I will likely revise/edit/delete/add to this tomorrow.. for now it’s just a rant while it’s still fresh in my head before I go to sleep.

April 18, 2014

A paid holiday off of work and an all-you-can-eat sushi affair (would you believe, I didn’t even over do it). Sweatpants, home-made wool socks and a work tshirt from my old job. Legs up, a cardamom and vetiver candle (Paddywax - thanks Amazon) burns, and I’m studying for my drivers license with my girlfriend and the kitty on her lap. The sky now dark, I accept this moment for what it is and feel blessed to even be a part of it. I am trusting her more and more, and feel ever-safe with her.

April 17, 2014

Four/Seven/Eight Breath:

While breathing can be difficult initially, it is necessary to deliver oxygen to ourselves. My favourite calming breathing cycle is a fairly classic, simple one: breathing in to the count of four, holding for the count of seven, and then exhaling to the count of eight.

April 16, 2014
Sam Amidon - Odkrywamy Ameryke Session

12:47pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZwIpks1DDUo_a
Filed under: sam amidon 
April 16, 2014
Early summer.

Early summer.

April 16, 2014
Wiggle it, just a little bit.

Wiggle it, just a little bit.

1:30am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZwIpks1DBOT-x
  
Filed under: tail tail plug sex gif play 
April 16, 2014
O, to be that string!

O, to be that string!

April 16, 2014
Pulling, gripping, nails digging.

Pulling, gripping, nails digging.